


Marvel University [NOTE: ABANDONED]

by thecalimack



Category: Avengers (Comics), Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Academia, Alternate Universe - Academia, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Professors, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Established Relationship, F/M, M/M, Professors, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-05
Updated: 2016-08-07
Packaged: 2018-05-05 00:16:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5353658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecalimack/pseuds/thecalimack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony Stark: billionaire playboy philanthropist engineer. Also, terror professor. Sanity questionable. Genius intellect undoubted. Relevant quote: "Genius, madness! The only difference between them is success!"</p><p>Steve Rogers: Beefcake American History professor. Stern, uptight, but kind. Rumors suggest war veteran. Makes muffins for people in infirmary. What even.</p><p>An Academia AU from whatever I read in Marvel Comics and watched from Marvel.<br/>Because a college dynamic is the most volatile there is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Day in the Life

Student Noel Burgundy kept tabs on his professors, or note-worthy people he encounters, complete with sketches. It's a habit of his, gathering data and details, planning conversations and methods of approach.

Tony Stark: Billionaire playboy philanthropist engineer. Also, terror professor. Sanity questionable. Genius intellect. Relevant quote: "Genius, madness! The only difference between them is success!"

Steve Rogers: Beefcake American History professor. Stern, uptight, but kind. Rumors suggest war veteran. Makes muffins for people in infirmary. What even.

Natasha Romanov: Sharp in every sense of the word. Gymnastics assistant professor and full-time European Studies professor. Often bonds with Professor Barton.

Clint Barton: Sports Science graduate. Crass humor and typical frat boy mentality, but with some competence. Often goes to archery and shooting ranges.

Phil Coulson: Vice Chancellor. Sneaky and unsuspecting unless you're mindful. Mutual stalking with Barton. Really quiet. Often goes to archery ranges and shooting ranges.

Thomas Lockey: Comparative Literature Professor. Suspicious but with good intentions. Word games and mind games are his thing. Shifty, but smart and witty. I like him. We meet on weekends. Also adoptive brother of Professor Odinson.

Thor Odinson: Comparative Religious Studies Professor. Loud, vibrant, full of life. Smiles like a sun, so don't look directly. He'll blind you with kindness and vigor. Swear to God, he's a sunshine fratboy with a massive body. How? Also, brother of Tom.

There were others on the list, but these people were by far the most interesting. Marvel University truly was a colorful place.

 

Noel was a wallflower. One perk? Seeing while not being seen.

His advantage was how easily overlooked he was, how he can get the jump on nearly anyone by just being himself. He sees his averageness as an advantage, and with that he starts to learn intimate details from small and large circles, and even manages to mingle with people who won't think twice of him being around.

The one person to debunk that, however, so far, was Professor Thomas Lockey.

They met in a busy hour at the cafe, where Tom took notice of Noel's art style and recognized an obscure online blog somewhere. Since then, they'd talked of everything and nothing, from the most bizarre to the most mundane. Today's topic was the concern of fiction versus non-fiction. "Where do we draw the line, then? It's obscure," Noel began, an angry hand swinging over their pastries. "Non-fiction is like a re-telling of actual events with a story somewhere within. Or that's what people pull off. It's supposed to be factual."

"But 'factual'," Tom argued. "is a case of perspective. What's true then may not be true now, especially when we observe different aspects."

"So what? The beholder knows best?"

Tom's eyes, emerald green irises rivaling Noel's, danced with mirth as he shrugged. The man was young to be a professor, but he was a sharp one. "Apparently, it is, in typical context. But you're entitled to call something out as fiction. Ghosts can be a mental delusion, after all."

Noel scoffed and sipped his coffee, nearly spitting when he scalded his own tongue by forgetting how hot it was. He bit into his cream-filled pastry and found little solace. Tom merely chuckled. "Bastard."

"Just schadenfreude," Tom insisted. "So how goes schooling?"

"My classes? Terrible," Noel groaned. "I have a passion for language but my brain isn't picking it up right. Miss Romanov asked me to drop since I wasn't making it well. That leaves me to going LoA next semester and sitting in on younger classes."

Tom's frown was genuine, at least from what Noel knew. "We all hit roadblocks."

"I run into too much. Engineering was bad enough..." Noel began, but he didn't trail off, he outright stopped. "Bad start. But at least I'll suffer for my own. No one gets dragged down with me."

"Well, you're taking charge of your own story. That's good," Tom remarked after a beat of silence. "I remember just forgoing what people expected of me when I was younger. You know, they thought I would make a great engineer."

"How did that go?"

"I found a passion for literature. My brother would have been a varsity player if he hadn't involved himself with a silly brawl and injured himself. Still, he came out fairly on top." Tom jostled his tea cup and sipped carefully, grinning over the rim. "But no one, not even I, expected him to study religious studies."

"Guess some expectations, or assumptions, don't necessarily fall through," Noel agreed. "Say, Professor Lockey, did you have a plan for yourself?"

Tom smiled fondly as he set his cup down. "Sort of, but it was narrow-minded. I've outgrown it, however."

"What was it?"

The wry smile was a prelude to a heartfelt response. "Be better than my brother." He cut into his bagel and ate a slice. "Now it's merely to be better than yesterday. Growth. Change." 

"How optimistic," Noel offered dryly. "But I guess I've been looking at things oddly lately. Pessimistically, I guess you could say." Noel tried blowing on his cup of coffee this time, but it did little to help.

"You're stressing yourself out too much."

"As if your case was much different."

"That's the thing. I've been there, and success is really quite different from what we make it out to be sometimes." Tom leaned over to Noel and patted his shoulder. "You're a bright, fun kid, Noel. Don't undersell yourself. You have something; I see it."

Noel hummed an affirmative. "Let's hope it's not wasted potential, then."

"Oh, I wouldn't be worried. After all, All the way from here, I can totally see your... determination."

The rest of the day, Noel wondered what he meant when he punctuated that final world.

 

It was Monday morning when he had to drop by the faculty office break room. He had to turn in a Chemistry paper for Professor Banner's class and he was advised to approach him during his break. But quite a sight greeted him when he let himself in: Professor Stark leaning over Professor Rogers' back, meddling with his tablet as if trying to show him something.

"Seriously, I made it so that it's simpler and easier, more intuitive, more like actually using your pastels and paper, Oh Captain-my-Captain," Professor Stark sang. Noel tucked that piece of info away as he observed the thoughtful frown on his face.

Professor Rogers' remark was laced with so much concern, however. "This seems rather much to do overnight, Tony. Did you even sleep?"

Tony scoffed. "Engineers don't sleep, Steve. Sleep is for the weak."

Noel knew that feeling, especially when he struggled to pass his class some semesters ago.

He cleared his throat and called the men's attention. Only then did they realize how close they really were to each other, and both seemed to nearly jump away from each other. It was funny watching Steve since he was sitting, and the chair skidded away some when he did. "Sorry, Professors, but is Professor Banner here?"

"Didn't you get into the Humanities?" Tony asked, frowning.

Noel heaved a dramatic sigh and flapped a wrist to his temple. "Oh, the Humanities!" he moaned. But he shot the two a wry grin. "Well, yes. Humanities major, but I took up one of his chemistry classes recently. Just need to turn in this paper. Told me to swing by here."

"I think he was playing something on his computer," Steve offered. He pulled out his phone and typed a message for Banner. "I didn't know we could tell students to come here." 

"I think he had that in mind," Tony remarked. He waved a hand in Noel's direction. "This kid's known to be Santa's Little Helper. Heard some faculty actually asked his help for troubleshooting programs."

Noel spread his arms wide in a showy manner. "Hand me logic gates and I'll do fine. Hand me overlaying circuits, expect a fire."

"At least you aren't bitter about me failing you, brat."

"The fault's all mine," Noel insisted, waving off the pseudo-apology. "Besides, I'm still into coding, albeit in a small manner. Web design and video games and mild tinkering."

"Well, I'm glad you still have a passion for it," Steve praised, and the way he said it was all sorts of charming. "Just have a seat, Mr. Burgundy. Dr. Banner will be here in a bit. Why don't you tell us what you're working on?"

"A video game with a title I need to rework and a story that aims on the LGBT community." The two professors blinked at that, and Noel sighed. "Well, it's a video game or a comic book. I might do both when I take a Leave of Absence next semester for flunking Miss Romanov's class."

Steve's eyebrows drew up while TOny did his best to remain professionally stoic. "What about expenses? Tuition fees?"

"You let me worry about that," Noel insisted. "I'll figure something out. In the meantime, the story's convoluted. Conflict between a nation of breeders and a nation of gays and lesbians." Steve bit back a snort but Tony was outright grinning. "Hey, it's good shit. Once I lay out the full storyline and all the heart-wrenching twists, I'll publish and be famous!"

"Unless that shit's as good as the Hunger Games, I don't think it'll be worth much," Tony said, unabashed.

"It's crass and offensive. Its internet notoriety will push me up the leaderboards."

"Are we still talking about books?" Steve wondered, his glance darting back and forth between Tony and Noel's exchange. He figured he should give up trying. Once Tony started, there was almost no stopping him. Not unless one went below the belt.

So Steve pinched a pert butt cheek.

Tony let out a manly squeal and glared daggers at Steve, who was the poster child of innocence. "You're turning evil, Rogers."

"Whose fault do you think that is?" Steve had a smirk on his face, and Noel was sure that this was one of the most interesting displays of mating rituals of PhD's he'd ever witnessed. Tony gave an affronted look, but Noel didn't buy it. Neither did Steve. "Nice try, Tony, but we all know you're not the most pristine marble statue out there."

"Should I let you two have the room?" Noel asked, just as he heard the door open behind him. Doctor Banner stepped inside, eyeing the couple curiously. "Ah, Dr. Banner! I'm sorry if I dragged you out of your busy schedule."

Banner offered a smile. "No worries, Noel. I told you to come here, remember?" Banner spared a glance at his colleagues. "Though I do have to apologize if these two messed with you."

Noel snorted. "Please. I have tea and coffee with Professor Lockey and Professor Odinson on weekends. Their dynamic is not so different."

"Well, that's hard to deny," Banner agreed. "Let me see that paper. And then we can talk about that one week of absence you pulled last week."


	2. Plotting an Initiative

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade suggests something. It looks like everyone is all up for it.
> 
> And Noel begins to see he has the job of recruiting people to the cause.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a confession to make: _Half my stuff is mind vomit. If this seems just everywhere, it probably is, but it leads to good things, I promise._
> 
> Rant over. Tell me what you think and what else could improve. _PLEASE_ , do so. Make it hurt, if you have to.

"I'm not going to put a word in to Stark," Noel answered Billy as they walked through the Engineering building. "I can't put in a word to Stark. I don't even study Engineering anymore, Billy."

"But Teddy looks..."

"Distressed?" Noel supplied as they rounded a corner. "That's typical Engineering school for ya. Especially under Stark. He'll work us to the ground. You should see him teach Robotics to the grade school kids at the community college. They're a massive labor force with all the legos."

That piece of news surprised, or rather, horrified, Billy. "He teaches kids?"

"He wanted to show off his AI. I remember him rambling it to Professor Rogers the other day, about how one of the AIs would just annoy college kids and it's much more suitable for kids."

"But you've seen him teach the kids?"

"Sure, I have." Noel and Billy stopped in front of a lab and knocked before entering. Teddy was leaning over a computer with running streams of code, a cable attaching a small mechanical wonder to the PC. "Teddy, I've brought you your boyfriend to shove lunch in your face."

Billy was concerned when Teddy offered no banter, no response. Billy walked over to his side and realized the man was sleeping, sitting-up. "Jesus."

Noel tried not to smile and gently nudged the blond brute. "Lacking sleep while being a varsity player is not good," Noel offered, rescuing the streaming data from redundant letters. "You snap him awake. I'll clear up the mess."

"Won't he be mad?"

"Distract him with promises of food like the romantic you are," Noel chided, and set to work searching for where the hell the real code was. He listened as Teddy jerked awake and Billy coaxed him to relax and have lunch. "Relax, boy-o, you slept on your keyboard. I won't mess with your code too much." Distractedly, Noel pulled up one of the stray windows, showing a diagram of what the program's functions for the robot were. He dared not to mess with it, so he left it at that, but he knew the thing involved a lot of sensors working in tandem.

Noel swivelled his chair and saw Billy feeding his lover knotfuls of noodles on a fork. Chinese take-out was a universal constant, he figured. They spoke quietly to each other, and that was when Noel realized they were the only ones in the lab. "This place is usually busy around lunch time."

"Seminar," Teddy mumbled, nursing a sprok in his mouth. "A lecture on video game development."

Billy and Noel perked up at that. Without warning, they shot up, jolting Teddy further awake. Noel had the sensibility to tell Teddy to save before they amde a mad dash to the auditorium to learn about video games. Because, duh, video games. And free food. Well, more food anyway.

 

More or less, Noel helped clean up the code and missed a class, but seeing the robot wonder make more intuitive movements had them grinning from ear to ear. Billy stayed and watched since Tuesdays were short days for him. "Well, glad to know that worked out."

"I didn't even know it could cache a layout of the area," Noel muttered. "I didn't think that came with the regular package."

"We tinkered with the base programming," Teddy supplied, picking up his mechanical menace. "Made a back-up in the computer and toyed with it and the hardware so it could allocate more memory for functions like that."

"Does the spatial algorithm include depth? Like high and low?"

Teddy frowned. "We haven't worked that out yet, so it's just flat surfaces and small rooms for now."

"So it picks up surface area, gotcha." Noel turned to Billy, who looked, well, constipated. "You following this?"

"You guys lost me at 'base programming'." Billy wasn't ashamed, however. "My boyfriend's so damn smart."

"You, too," Teddy argued. "Just in another field."

Noel rolled his eyes and left to let the two have a room for awhile. He decided to leave a note for Mr. Stark via his secretary. He called up a business number, but was instead greeted by a British voice. "Stark Industries."

"JARVIS? What are you doing answering this call? Usually it's Ms. Potts or something."

"Sir has programmed me to answer for certain caller IDs. Yours is in that list."

"Well that's thoughtful of him," Noel remarked. "Mind if you take a message for him?"

"Of course."

"Tell him that if he doesn't stop mass-producing more sleep-deprived lunatic geniuses and effectively making his own army of Starks, I will personally have Steve Rogers shove his dick up his mouth until his brains are scrambled."

There was an effective pause before JARVIS replied dryly, "Duly noted, sir, but I fear Miss Potts has, how you say, 'beaten you to the punch' on that one."

Noel grinned in spite of himself. "That's appreciated, but pass the message along. We don't need grade-B versions of you now, do we?"

"A nightmare in itself, sir," JARVIS agreed. "Will that be all?"

"Any chance you could share me his syllabus for that programming class he comandeered? With sample programs and the slides. Self-learning and all that. Need to brush up on mySQL."

"I'll see what I can do, Sir."

"You're a sweetheart, JARVIS." Noel killed the line and looked through the lab windows, seeing the two boys laugh. He was gonna get diabetes from their sweetness overload. "How many single people are left in the world, I wonder."

 

Noel was browsing through psychology books when he ran into Professor Barton. The man was in a fresh white shirt and gym shorts with a tape over his nose as he flipped through a book. "The Human Kinetics building has its own library, doesn't it?" Noel said in greeting, sitting across him at the table.

"Just waiting on someone," Barton snorted. "What's up, brat?"

"Nosy as always," Noel shot back, grinning. "So who're you waiting for?"

"Phil. He's dealing with some of the library staff at the moment." Noel wondered who that was until he saw Vice Chancellor Coulson march out a door. Barton rose up with open arms. "Phil, baby, took you--"

Noel flinched when Coulson drilled a punch in the gym teacher's gut, sending the man on his knees and marching out. Well, that wasn't terrifying, but Barton was wheezing a laugh. "A glutton for punishment?" Noel asked once he saw that Coulson was out of earshot.

"He grows on you."

"This kind of PDA might be excessive for me." Noel's phone buzzed with an email notification, and he found JARVIS had sent him what he asked for, with supplementary attachments. "I think I'll go and pick up a few more books. Will you be okay, Professor?"

"I'll be fine. It's just the whip of love."

"And... I'm gone."

 

Peter Parker and Gwen Stacy were roommates, mostly because Gwen was straight as an arrow and Peter was dating their mutual landlord, and Noel knew because he was dragged into the routine of movie marathon Fridays when things were sort of light. Noel worked on his contracts when he could, so bringing a laptop along was totally understandable. And Wade Wilson was nice enough to reduce his rent a bit, calling it a close-friends discount. Noel wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

"I have the DVD set of Golden Girls!" Wade sang as he strutted into the room. Gwen was giggling and Peter was smiling affectionately but wryly at his boyfriend. Noel smiled. He hadn't watched Golden Girls in ages. Wade plopped down in front of the TV and was setting up the player when a knock sounded on the door. "Peter, who else did you invite?"

"Oh, Billy and Teddy," Peter answered, hopping off the couch. "I'll get it."

Billy and Teddy let themselves inside, Teddy an arm over Billy's shoulders. Gwen was snickering from the couch and Wade was giving them a thumbs up. Noel didn't miss the backpacks they brought in. "So what are we watching, guys?"

"Golden Girls!" Wade cheered, waving the DVD box. "And if you end up sick of snarky, sassy old ladies, which I doubt, then whatever trash this guy has." Wade jerked a thumb at Noel, who flipped him off. "The kid's too hipster for his own good, probably more than Peter. And that's saying something."

"Care to explain all the plaid in your wardrobe then?" Peter taunted, earning a snicker from Billy and Teddy.

"We have lumberjack sex in my bedroom," Wade deadpanned, and yup, that won the argument. Everyone burst out laughing. Wade was shameless as he grinned at Peter. "Don't worry, baby. We'll make sweet love in the forest again soon enough."

Gwen, in spite of her hysterics, calmed the boys down. "Alright, let's settle down before we pop a spleen or something. Wade, is it good to go?"

"All green, Captain."

"Captain Stacy's my dad, Wade. Just play the disc."

The gang wound up huddled into the couch as they watched, Teddy and Noel with laptops on their laps, switching focus from the show to their work. The camaraderie here was calm and nice. There was a quiet back and forth before the topic switched to their professors.

"So Professor Rogers and Professor Stark seem close," Gwen began. "Any input on that?"

"Aside from the rumors going around campus?" Billy snorted. "They get along pretty fine. I see them arguing over lunch at one of the cafes. It's kinda domestic."

"Stark doesn't tell me shit," Wade added, shovelling popcorn into his mouth. He was barely udnerstandable. "But I've seen his main man Happy drive by with Steve in the backseat."

"And they bond in the faculty lounge," Noel supplied. "And Dr. Banner's unfazed by the bromance, meaning it's normal for them. Also, Tony apparently spent the night making an art program for Steve."

"But are they dating?"

"If they aren't, they're oblivious to it," Peter pitched in. "But I don't think we should meddle."

There was a derisive snort from someone in the room before Wade called for a vote. "Who votes to meddle?" The vote was almost unanimous. "Sorry, baby boy. We're meddlin'."

Peter rolled his eyes skyward. He knew he'd lose that kind of vote.

 

Noel was perched on a windowsill while he read a book just as he spotted Miss Romanov pass by him. "Buongiorno, Signorina Romanov."

Miss Romanov stopped and looked over her shoulder at Noel with a secretive smile. Noel felt himself wither under her gaze. She turned to face him, a hand on her hip. "Noel, just the man I'm looking for."

"Come posso aiutarLa, Signorina?" Noel asked, suddenly nervous.

"You left this somewhere at Banner's office." She pulled a slender black notebook tied with a red bow. Noel paled. "You're an observant little brat, aren't you?"

Noel's brain switched his Italian off out of shock. "You've read it then?" he asked carefully, taking the notebook away and forcing himself to stand his ground. "Sorry if I keep this sort of diary. It was meant to be personal and secret."

"I'm surprised you don't bear ill will, actually," Romanov mentioned. "And half your observations are interesting, though a bit common knowledge."

"Except to the aforementioned parties," Noel muttered. He cleared his throat and met Romanov's sweet gaze. "Thank you for bringing it back, Ma'am. I hadn't even noticed it gone until you brought it up."

"I have to admire your handiwork. You keep tabs on a lot of people and I personally don't think anyone's the wiser. I've asked around. Half the gossip you noted, they weren't aware of." Noel made a choked sound at the thought. Romanov waved him off. "I was the soul of discretion. Don't worry, Noel."

"I can tell this is bad, huh?" he asked, gesturing to his notebook. "You're not telling me to get rid of this, then?"

"No," she responded. "That's a little cruel to kill someone's hobby that at least doesn't hurt anyone. But..." A corner of her lip turned up in a smirk. "I expect some rights to see your handiwork."

"That's easily arranged."

"Good." Romanov looked out the window and Noel followed her gaze, spotting Doctor Banner talking on the phone, a little tense. "I'll be taking my leave now." She leaned close and patted Noel's head. "Don't be a stranger, Noel."

As she sauntered out of sight, the breath he held came out in a question. "Miss Romanov?"

"Yes, Noel?"

"Have you noticed a certain dynamic between Professor Stark and Professor Rogers?"

Her lips quirked up in a smile. "I think they're the only ones who haven't noticed it yet. And I thought Barton and Coulson were dense about theirs."

"I'm sure Stark and Rogers are just enjoying the camaraderie, Ma'am," Noel began. "But would you like to partake in an initiative?"

Her smile gave way to a knowing smirk. "Oh, I'm all ears."

Noel knew this was going to be good.

\--

Natasha Romanov: (Addendum) Knows about the journal. Wants in on the info gathering. Gives certain attention to Dr. Banner. Need more info to verify.

Wade Wilson: Landlord. Unpredictable. Three constants: Mexican food --notably chimichangas--, Golden Girls, and Peter Parker.

Peter Parker: Biochemistry student. Dating Wade Wilson. Best friends with Gwen Stacy. Likes lumberjack sex.

Gwen Stacy: Captain Stacy of the Police Force is her father. Potentially devious. Needs more verifying.

Billy Kaplan: Dating Teddy Altman. Endures for his lover's sake. Has a nasty habbit of eating instant noodles.

Teddy Altman: Dating Billy Kaplan. In danger of turning into a Stark if sleep-deprivation continues. Also has a nasty habit of eating instant noodles.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony fights a teenage girl for Steve's love and affection in pie form and Natasha started it.
> 
> Noel plots being a creep with Gwen and JARVIS becomes a bro while the entire thing becomes an Ocean's Twelve dating service.

"So you want my brother and I to join this move for our friends, then?" Thor asked, picking up the calling card fondly. Tom raised an eyebrow at a shameless Noel. "Indeed, the two have been dancing around each other for some time now. Perhaps a gentle nudge in the right direction would do them justice."

"Only you and Tom can pull off that kind of talk," Noel commented.

"Loki does have a way with words," Thor agreed, sparing a fond glance at his brother.

"Loki?" Noel asked, fixing Tom with a more confused look.

Tom shrugged and drank his tea. "My surname was something he misread before. It stuck ever since. Either name's fine, however."

Tomas Lockey. Loki. Noel nodded, seeing the sense in that. Actually, it was a better nickname, if he had any say in it. "So you won't mind me calling you Loki outside of campus then?"

Tom, Loki, shook his head. "It's no trouble."

"Well then, we'll have a meeting for a plan next weekend. Wade Wilson volunteered his apartment." The two professors grimaced at the mention of the name. "I take it you two know Wade?"

"He isn't known for tidiness," Thor answered wryly. "We've met on a few occassions."

"He's also erratic, but well-meaning," Loki added. "If you're questioning his loyalty, all I can say is 'Don't'. He's a very loyal friend. Will he run you to the ground? Most likely."

"Glad we're talking about the same Wade, then," Noel agreed. Wade's enthusiasm would drive one to exhaustion if he wanted to. "Alright, that makes a solid group of around nine. That's a good start. We can compare notes on what their routines are and maybe we can plot something complete by then."

"It's a good thing it's still early in the semester, otherwise we wouldn't be able to finish anything," Thor reminded them. His coffee buddies nodded sagely. "So, do you mind telling us who else is involved in this?"

"Wade and Peter, Gwen, Billy and Teddy, us three, and Miss Romanov."

Thor grinned at that. "Natasha? I should have figured she'd let herself tangle with this mess. Expect Coulson and Barton to follow after her."

Noel looked between the cheeky grins of the two professors. "Is the faculty really that close?"

"Just us," Loki assured him. "Circumstance or fate, we came to know each other. And through very unconventional means."

"I think it began with that Christmas party two years ago," Thor recalled. "I vividly remember Barton getting punch all over Coulson, and getting a right hook on the nose as payback."

Noel offered a cheeky grin at them. "Oh, do tell."

 

\--

 

Steve was slaving in front of the oven, frilly white apron showing off his physique in a way that would look absurd on almost anyone else. His husky, Bucky, happily munched away at his kibble, keeping a trained eye on his owner and best friend. Steve hadn't eaten breakfast yet, was too busy making pies for the charity bake sale for the Maria Stark Foundation.

A knock distracted him from his vigilant waiting, and he went to answer the door, surprised to see Peggy there. "Oh hey, Peggy."

She cocked an eyebrow at him and tried to look over his shoulder, but the man's shoulders were too broad and he was too high. "Pies good to go, Cap?" How the hell was this fine specimen of the American Dream an army veteran and baking pies while looking hot in a white apron, and was gay? The world was cruel to women.

"Almost," Steve promised, grinning. "I'm waiting for the last batch. Shouldn't be long now."

"I'll expect you at the bake sale, and we better sell a lot." An idea hit her, and she whipped out her phone and took an impromptu shot of Steve. She tapped away before she smirked and showed Steve the screen. There he was on her instagram of one thousand followers, with the caption 'This hunk is selling pies at our bake sale. Come and buy his pies!' And as he read, the likes, re-tweets, and favorites were racking up. "Now you have no choice!"

Steve made a face that was half-in agony, half-amused. "I'll try to meet your expectations, Peggy."

 

\--

 

Natasha was candidly, ever-so-candidly, nudging Tony towards the charity fund raiser at the community center. Tony was about as behoved as he could. "It'll be fun, Stark. And isn't this under your foundation?"

"Pepper deals with the Maria Stark Foundation," Tony grumbled, looking dishevelled even after a shower and dressing into a tailored suit. "I deal with R&D. Robots and Dollars."

"Which is why you'll spend some extra dollars on your Foundation," Natasha huffed. She'd also managed to drag Bruce along, who quietly watched with a bemused expression. Tony hated mornings. He hated people, at times. And he certainly hated walking. "Think of it this way. You'll be helping children and meet your yearly quota of good deeds."

"I do good deeds all the time. I'm fucking Santa Claus!" Stark groaned. He took a sip of his coffee and smacked his lips. "Bruce, I thought you were my science bro? Back me up here."

"Natasha has a point."

"Shame to your cow." The fund raiser was coming into sight and Stark noticed a large assembly of women and gays gathering at a booth. "What's going on? Shirtless Baker?"

Natasha's proud smirk promised no remorse on her part. "Close, but not quite."

Natasha pushed him through the crowd and up to the stall, and she could feel under her hands how Tony tensed at the sight of Steve in a starch-white apron, staring shocked at Tony. She patted Tony on the shoulder before sauntering off.

Tony swallowed hard before smirking. "Well, didn't expect to see you here, Cap."

It took a while for Steve to collect himself. "What brings you here, Tony?"

"Well, Natasha dragged me to my company's own charity event and I wound up being pushed here. Guess now I can see why."

Steve beamed and pulled out a box of apple pie. At least, Tony assumed it was apple pie from the smell alone. "Care for one? Five bucks a box. It's the last one."

Tony was about to buy it when a teenage girl shot past him, waving money to Steve's face. "Ten bucks for your apple pie!"

Tony glowered at here while Steve looked torn. "Fifteen."

"Twenty!"

Steve looked back and forth as the apple pie sale turned into an over-glorified auction. "Um, guys?"

"Thirty dollars!" Tony snapped. The girl was still glaring but she backed down. Tony smirked, smug as can be, and gingerly took the box from Steve's hands, lingering just to tick her off. When Tony turned to Steve, he noticed a light flush on his face. "Everything okay there, Rogers?"

"That was too much."

"What? The money? Why don't you just buy me dinner, then? That'll make us even." Tony was grinning when he heard a small chorus of protests behind him. "A date then, Steve?"

Steve looked taken aback, and Tony was about to take back what he said when Steve answered, "I'll... I'll pick you up after school tomorrow."

Tony couldn't believe his ears, and he found himself grinning like a lovestruck idiot. "Perfect. It's a date."

A safe distance away, Natasha and Bruce were watching, each with a hash brown in hand. "So that's it?" Bruce asked with a mouthful of hot potatoes.

"We still have to handle maintenance work," Natasha answered, a bemused look on her face. "That's why we're joining Noel's merry little band of matchmakers. I have a feeling things won't be as easy as they are now."

Bruce scoffed. "When are they ever? Remember when we tried to get Coulson to verbally admit his love for Barton?"

"They both had sticks up their asses," Natasha agreed with a sage nod. She looked around the fund raiser and spotted a crepe stand. "You want some breakfast crepes to go with that hash brown?"

"Yes, please."

 

\--

 

After Noel's brunch with Loki and Thor, he got the message from Natasha describing what happened at the fund raiser. Noel had to admit that it was ingenious foresight on her part. But if Tony's reputation was anything to go by, sans the womaniser theme, this wouldn't be enough.

Noel hit a speed dial and waited for them to pick up. "Gwen, it's Noel. If you were to be taken to a date, where would you go where we could subtly hang back and do surveillance?"

"I take it you aren't asking me out?"

"Unless you count stalking two hot professors a date, then no, I'm not."

A beat of silence before she giggled. "I think my uncle owns a place. We could get a free dinner if I tell him you're my gay best friend."

Noel laced his drawl with the British accent that was inherently his first accent. "Am I already replacing Peter, dear Gwendolyn?"

"Oh my god, don't call me that. That's not even my real name!"

"It has a certain charm to it, though," Noel teased, checking his hands. "Arrange for a table tomorrow, and I'll try and see if Natasha or I can plant the restaurant in Professor Rogers's head."

"The way you make this sound is like a spy movie."

"We're Ocean's Twelve." Noel bid adieu and killed the call. He rolled his eyes skyward. "Well, I may have bit off more than I can chew." Noel was having one of those moments of doubt, but something inside him told him to hold steadfast. "Good thing this cake's for sharing."

Noel had a feeling that he should get some more help, so he dialled a particular number and hoped for the best that he knew what he was doing. He had to think two steps ahead for this.

 

\--

 

Tony was in a daze when he returned to his mansion, unsure of what to feel about the entire fiasco at the charity fund raiser. So he decided to take it for what it was.

He bagged a date.

"JARVIS?"

"Yes, sir?"

"I'm in a good mood. Play something upbeat, would you? And redirect all calls to voice mail. I'll be in the workshop." Tony threw his coat aside, the fabric casually landing on the coat rack. He waltzed to his workshop underground as a jazzy, upbeat rendition of Moon River serenaded the entire mansion. He had a spring in his step, and he was gonna ride the feeling for what it was worth. Tony liked to think that he was an optimistic, casual, carefree man, but right now he had a high that would take a mack truck to squash down.

Entering the workshop, he was greeted by his robots whirring excitedly towards him. Dummy was waving its one arm and YOU and Butterfingers were there to spin circles around him.

"No time to play, boys. Daddy's feeling inspired today, so let's get to building."

A lot of times, Tony would build blindly on a feeling, on a vague idea and improve on it. He was not just an engineer, he was a creator, carving life out of metal and wires and electricity. His entire abode was a mechanical wonder. He pulled up a hologram of blueprints and went to work on a new one, coordinating with JARVIS as they drew the final layout. This came naturally to him.

His one conscious thought was his date. Anxiety, anticipation, and excitement filled him to the brim, and damn if he wasn't conjuring up plans while working, having an occasional side tab to search up dating cues for men. Because as much of a playboy and a social person he was, he wasn't so sure how to act towards a Steve Rogers. He knew in his head the guy was mostly professional, and he knew what happened earlier was definitely way out of their usual routine, so he went for searching up dating advice for his personality type. He'd have JARVIS run some data check on him if it weren't for the fact that Steve hardly used social networking for outside business. It lacked much to tell except for the fact that the man had a thing about being sincere.

He could work with that. It would be a challenge, but a challenge welcomed.

"JARVIS, care to make some suggestions for the date?"

"Of course, sir,"

 

\--

 

"Hello, JARVIS?"

"Master Burgundy, did you wish to talk to Master Stark?"

"Actually," Noel began. "I was hoping to talk to you, JARVIS."

There was a brief silence over the line before JARVIS spoke. "You wish to talk to an AI? That's rather unconventional, Sir, if you don't mind me saying."

"Well, considering the situation, it's needed." Noel figured straight to the point would be necessary. "I heard about the date my Professors are having, and I figured you'd be making suggestions."

"That is correct, Sir. I'm running the numbers now."

"I have a suggestion. Consider it outside monitoring."

"Oh?" JARVIS, despite being a program, sounded curious and amused.

"There's a nice restaurant with a rustic theme Steve would love. Lots of portions, good reviews. I'll be making the suggestion to him tomorrow, but if Tony's arranging it then I would like to suggest The Siren."

"I'll make sure to include it in the list of suggestions, sir."

Noel smiled. "Thank you, JARVIS. Now, since I know you can't technically lie, might as well direct away any suspicion towards you. Can you connect me through to Tony?"

"Certainly, Sir."

Noel waited until he was brought to voice mail. "Hello, Professor Stark? It's Noel Burgundy. Listen, I was thinking about your bases for creating AI and was wondering if you used Sigmund Freud's structural model of the psyche? You know, the one with the id, ego, and superego? I'm trying to make something with someone and your input would be really appreciated. Hope to hear from you soon, then." Noel killed the call and let out a sigh of relief. That went better than expected.

He doubted Stark would look into his call too much beyond what he stated, and he knew him to be excited when he talked about his own creations. It was a way to an engineer's heart, after all, unless the creation was a baleful piece of contract work he loathsomely did.

Noel was really glad he didn't wound up an engineer sometimes.


	4. NOTE: ABANDONED

Sorry, but this story got too convoluted and I'll have to go back to the drawing board. It just... wasn't meshing in my head too well. I knew more than I did before (when I started this fic) so... I'm going to rewrite the entire thing at another point in time. My apologies.

What I found wrong in my work were three crucial things:  
1) Bucky was dead.  
Well, he shouldn't be, but I thought I could pull off a dead!Buck, but I can't. I just can't.

2) The OC  
Anyone else feel I put this guy in and he was out of place?

3) No Coherent Direction  
It went left and right with every character. It felt kinda bad for me.

 

So yeah. Rewrite. Overhaul, more like. I can't seem to save this fic. Sorry folks, but maybe tune in while I try to sort out my plan with actual guidelines and stuff. Sorry for the trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Track my progress or my thoughts on [Twitter](http://twitter.com/TheCaliMack) or [Tumblr](http://thecalimack.tumblr.com)


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